THE MUSLIM WOMEN'S IDEAL CHARACTER

THE MUSLIM WOMEN'S IDEAL CHARACTER

n the Qur'an, Allah informs us how belief benefits a woman:

Do not marry women who associate [others with Allah] until they believe. A slave girl who is one of the believers is better for you than a woman who associates [others with Allah], even though she may attract you. And do not marry men who associate [others with Allah] until they believe. A slave who is one of the believers is better for you than a man who associates [others with Allah], even though he may attract you. Such people call you to the Fire, whereas Allah calls you, with His permission, to the Garden and forgiveness. He makes His Signs clear to people so that, hopefully, they will pay heed. (Surat al-Baqara: 221)

Allah reveals that belief, fear and respect of Allah, and Islamic morality are the foremost causes of the believers' strength of character and virtue. Belief makes all of a person's qualities meaningful. In addition, the Qur'an's morality helps women, and everyone else, to acquire a most strong, solid, and virtuous character. As Allah revealed in the verse, "No indeed! We have given them that by which they are remembered [i.e. their honor, eminence and dignity]" (Surat al-Mu'minun: 71), this morality gives people their dignity and honor. Therefore, women who live by this morality will be respected and enjoy their deserved honor and dignity.
As we mentioned earlier, Allah has not determined separate characters for men and women and therefore calls on all people to abide by one Muslim character. Therefore, Muslims fear and respect Allah, seek His good pleasure, and seek only to win the Hereafter, in the full knowledge that this worldly life is temporary and that he or she will die one day.
All Muslims always strive to live by the Qur'an's morality. Women who do so are free from all of the character defects, weaknesses, and prejudices found among unbelievers. Instead, they develop a strong character based on their belief. Believers disregard the suggestions and criticisms of their society, family, or friends and live according to the Qur'an's values and morality.
Maryam is one of the best role models for such women, for during all of the difficult trials that she underwent at the hands of her unbelieving society, she always showed her strength of character and integrity. And, the strength that she derived from her belief in Allah, her sincere submission to Him, and her constant adherence to Islam's values enabled her to preserve her honor and integrity. In fact, she was noted for these qualities among people.
In the coming pages, we will explore the basics of a woman's ideal character and how much it differs from the character of unbelieving women.

Muslim Women Submit to God

Muslim women believe in Allah with a true heart, submit completely to Him, are aware that there is no other deity, that He is the Lord of every being and thing, and that He is All-Powerful. Therefore, she fears and respects only Him and seeks to win only His good pleasure. She worships only Him, accepts only Him as her closest friend, and seeks only His help. She also knows that only He can direct good and bad toward her, and so lives in the full knowledge that she is dependent on Him. She knows that He keeps her alive, provides and cares for her, and protects and guards her. For these reasons, she has no expectations of other people.
She believes in Allah without the slightest doubt in her heart for her whole life, never losing heart or belief regardless of the circumstances. She knows how to be grateful and content with her closeness to Him both when her life is good and when she is undergoing difficulties. She is in a state of constant submission, certain of our Lord's love, compassion, forgiveness, and providence.
When she encounters a problem, she knows that Allah has provided a solution in the Qur'an, and that what matters most is her continued sincere love, submission, and trust in Allah. She is certain of Allah's promise that He creates everything according to His justice and with wisdom and goodness.
Even if her problems seem to go on forever, she never surrenders to hopelessness or worries when His help will come. Content with what He has sent her way, she maintains her patience and submission, knowing that something good will come out of it. She remembers what the Qur'an says about those who abandon their belief in such times. In addition, she recites "My Lord is with me and will guide me" (Surat ash-Shu'ara': 62), just as the Prophets did when faced with hardship. Throughout her life, her profound faith enables her to see Allah's compassion, closeness, love, help, and friendship at all times.
This superior character becomes even more distinctive when compared with that of unbelieving women. Some unbelieving women do not show the appropriate degree of submission in their encounters, because they ignore the fact that Allah creates everything and inserts much wisdom and goodness hidden therein. One of the best-known characteristics of such women is their impatience, lack of determination, panic, and throwing tantrums when experiencing various hardships.
For this reason, and to save themselves the hassle, men often try to keep women away from potentially troublesome situations. Movies and novels are full of such stories. Since they do not place their trust in Allah and do not submit to Him, they cannot find the patience and resolution to endure hard times. In fact, their strength is in direct proportion to the size of the gain they can expect from working through these difficulties.
Believing women derive their strength from their belief and their determination to win Allah's good pleasure. Therefore, their resistance can be quite powerful. The Qur'an reveals this truth in the following verse: "Allah's guidance, that is true guidance. We are commanded to submit as Muslims to the Lord of all the worlds" (Surat al-An'am: 71). Allah gives good news to those who submit to Him:

Those who submit themselves completely to Allah and do good have grasped the Firmest Handhold. The end result of all affairs is with Allah. (Surah Luqman: 22)

Not so! All who submit themselves completely to Allah and are good-doers will find their reward with their Lord. They will feel no fear and will know no sorrow. (Surat al-Baqara: 112)

The Muslim Women, the Qur'an, and the Hadiths

As is the case with all believers, a Muslim woman's sole sources of guidance are the Qur'an and the sunnah (example) of our Prophet (saas). She shapes her personality, character, lifestyle, ideals, desires, behavior, and morality according to these two sources. By asking "Do they then seek the judgment of the Time of Ignorance? Who could be better at giving judgment than Allah for people with certainty?" (Surat al-Ma'ida: 50), Allah proclaims that the most correct and best judgments are contained in the Qur'an. Moreover,

... We have sent down the Book to you making all things clear and as guidance, and mercy and good news, for the Muslims. (Surat an-Nahl: 89)

Our Prophet (saas) said: "Verily, I have left among you the Book of Allah and the sunnah (example) of His Apostle. If you hold fast to them, you shall never go astray."21 With these words, he reminded Muslims that the most important guidance is the Qur'an and his sunnah.
When looking at an unbelieving society's stereotypical ideas of women, we notice immediately that they act according to their whims or instincts. The conditioning they receive from childhood onward about the ideal woman's character become almost their sole source of guidance. Given that the women in their immediate environment act and speak in the same way, that women portrayed in films and novels display the same character, that people seem to agree on what a woman's character should be, their character is a habitual one. Thus, it is easy to predict how they will respond in certain situations, what decisions they will reach, how they will behave, and even what they will say.
On the other hand, Muslim women always react correctly, make the right decisions, and obtain the best results because they are guided by the Qur'an and the Prophet's (saas) sunnah. Besides, they do not experience the unhappiness and discontent that unbelieving women do. As the following verse reveals, Muslim men and women lead a happy life, as promised by Allah: "Anyone who acts rightly, male or female, being a believer, We will give them a good life and recompense them according to the best of what they did" (Surat an-Nahl: 97).

Muslim Women Have Great Ideals

One of the unbelievers' most misguided character traits is the restrictions that they placed on people's ideals, thoughts, and lifestyle. In the case of women, society tells them that they have certain duties and responsibilities that they are expected to fulfill to the best of their ability. Usually, they are not encouraged to acquire different ideals or develop their personalities. Only when women become aware of this reality do they begin to perceive the need to seek greater ideals, widen their horizon, and develop their personalities.
Primarily, women are expected to provide for and cater to their families' needs and raise their children. Otherwise, they focus on themselves, according to the conditioning they received when young. They concentrate on their physical appearance, hair style, make-up, clothing and fashion in general; keeping their homes clean; and talking with their friends. While there is nothing wrong with such activities, it is wrong to limit their lives just to these tasks without even knowing why this is so.
Allah created men and women for a purpose and revealed their responsibilities in the Qur'an. Most importantly, each woman is responsible to our Lord, for He created her, gave her life, protected and watched over her, and provided for her. Men and women are required to lead the moral life prescribed by Allah, worship and serve Him, and to win His good pleasure. They are required to tell people who are far from the happy and contented life of following the Qur'an's values about Islam's values and to make a genuine effort to help them draw closer to Allah's pleasure, mercy, and Paradise. They must strive to save people from negative frames of mind, and from suffering under the influence of the chaos and disorder, all of which are presented by Satan and thus are devoid of true love, respect, and friendship.
All believers are obliged to help and guide those who are weak and distressed to His path:

What reason could you have for not fighting in the Way of Allah-for those men, women, and children who are oppressed and say: "Our Lord, take us out of this city whose inhabitants are wrongdoers! Give us a protector from You! Give us a helper from You!?" (Surat an-Nisa': 75)

Allah further reminds Muslims that they are obliged to assist orphans, people who are stranded, and other needy people:

Worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him. Be good to your parents and relatives, orphans and the very poor, neighbors who are related to you and neighbors who are not related to you, and companions, travelers, and your servants. Allah does not love anyone vain or boastful. (Surat an-Nisa': 36)

A Muslim woman is aware of all these responsibilities and so does not focus only on herself. Rather, she does her best to solve the problems around the world, such as helping people who are suffering, fighting infectious diseases, working with children displaced or orphaned by war and conflict, and taking care of the elderly and other women as if they were her own problems.
She gives her full attention to every matter in her daily life, because she knows that the truly important thing is to win Allah's good pleasure, live the Qur'an's morality, and spread this morality in order to bring true contentment and happiness to all others. For this reason, she acts in the knowledge that what she encounters each day is not so important when put into the overall context of what she was created to do.

Muslim Women Are Dignified

... And the soul and what proportioned and inspired it with depravity or heedfulness; he who purifies it has succeeded, he who covers it up has failed. (Surat ash-Shams: 7-10)

The above verses warn people about the selfish ego that, when not brought under control, will lead them to limitless evil. A person's fear and respect of Allah, as well as his or her belief in the Hereafter, gives each person the strength and reason to resist these temptations.
Without this awareness, people will follow their desires and not worry about their meeting with Allah in the Hereafter, where they will be held accountable for their deeds. If his ego demands anger, jealousy, or ill-treatment of someone else, he will indulge it. If her selfish ego encourages her to vent her anger or jealous frustration with insinuations, mockery, slander, lies, conspiracies, or hypocritical behavior, she will oblige it without giving it a second thought. Such people will commit all of these sins without reservation, because they believe that they will never have to account for their deeds.
Allah, however, reveals that all of these activities are unconstrained evils called for by the selfish ego. When people act on these impulses, things just get worse. People who cannot control their emotions, even when they know that what they are doing is wrong, show that they are both weak and ignore their conscience. In other words, they seem to grow smaller. It is debasing to be unable to act maturely or respond rationally when their selfish egos suggest otherwise. As Allah reveals, the dignifying and rightful response to such evil suggestions is to ignore them and act conscientiously. This character trait needs to be worked on, for eventually it will earn other people's respect and love and raise the person's ranks in His eyes, as well as in the eyes of other people.
Muslim women have enough dignity and character to reject such debasing behavior for small gains. Allah informs us of the conspiring nature of unbelieving women: "He saw the shirt torn at the back and said: 'The source of this is women's deviousness. Without a doubt your guile is very great'" (Surah Yusuf: 28). Unbelieving women often try to resolve situations by conspiring, intriguing, or lying instead of seeking rational solutions. Indulging Satan's suggestions, they fall back on hypocrisy, cowardice, or devious methods. Believing women, on the other hand, resolve their problems by honesty, openness, and sincerity, for their awareness of Allah totally removes them from such inappropriate behavior.
Unbelieving women also are characterized by envy. Allah mentions envious people and warns others about their evil: "Say: 'I seek refuge with the Lord of Daybreak, from the evil of what He has created and from the evil of the darkness when it gathers, and from the evil of women who blow on knots and from the evil of an envier when he envies'" (Surat al-Falaq: 1-5). Some unbelieving women are prone to such behavior, which causes distrust, tantrums, broken relationships, and endless arguments, all of which result in an unfulfilled and unhappy life. In addition, they cause great suffering and damage to themselves and to those around them. Believing women, however, will disregard this aspect of human ego, knowing that it leads to great losses in this life as well as in the next.
Mockery is another character defect of unbelieving women. In the following verse Allah warns them against such behavior: "O you who believe! People should not ridicule others who may be better than themselves; nor should any women ridicule other women who may be better than themselves. And do not find fault with one another or insult each other with derogatory nicknames" (Surat al-Hujurat: 11).
Those women who are shaped by the unbelief that rules their societies do not hesitate to ridicule people for their shortcomings or to mock others, because they do not think of the Hereafter. They do not consider this behavior as wrong, but rather as a kind of humor. Often this mockery is not even verbal, but is expressed by making faces, rolling one's eyes, imitating their mannerisms, or whispering about them. Believing women shun such activities, because they know that Allah requires them to live according to the Qur'an's morality. In another verse, Allah reminds people not to speculate or gossip about others: "O you who believe! Avoid most suspicion. Indeed, some suspicion is a crime. Do not spy and do not backbite one another. Would any of you like to eat his brother's dead flesh? No, you would hate it. And have fear of Allah. Allah is Ever-Returning, Most Merciful" (Surat al-Hujurat: 12).
Believing women live dignified lives. Instead of mocking others, they try to help. They compliment people who are successful, instead of succumbing to envy and gossip. And, when in the company of unbelieving people who might somehow offend them, they do not compromise their integrity or dignity.

Muslim Women Have a Strong Character and Willpower

The values of unbelief usually identify power with such things as money, fame, prestige, or status, for each of them is believed to confer power on that particular person. In fact, even one who acquires the patronage of such a person considers himself or herself to be powerful. In reality, however, power based on this world's impermanent values can disappear just as quickly as it appeared.
Muslims derive their power from their faith, and so their power never changes. This is an important factor in the character of Muslim women, and Allah describes it in the following terms:

O you who believe! If any of you renounce your religion, Allah will bring forward a people whom He loves and who love Him, humble to the believers, fierce to the unbelievers, who strive in the Way of Allah and do not fear the blame of any censurer. That is the unbounded favor of Allah, which He gives to whoever He wills. Allah is Boundless, All-Knowing. (Surat al-Ma'ida: 54)

Hamid Aytac's calligraphy, in which the names of Prophet Muhammad (saas) and the four rightly guided caliphs are written.

Another important Islamic character trait revealed here is the believers' strong personality, which can withstand the criticism of people. Muslims know very well that all Prophets were accused and persecuted, made to suffer and forced to emigrate, or even killed. Nevertheless, these Prophets are the believers' role models, due to their strong, enduring, and solid personalities, as well as their patience and determination.
As Allah reveals, Muslims know that they will be tested in this life through hardship, suffering, and insulting words: "You will be tested in your wealth and in yourselves, and you will hear many abusive words from those given the Book before you and from those who associate [others with Allah]. But if you are steadfast and guard against evil, that is the most resolute course to take" (Surah Al 'Imran: 186). They will regard all such events as opportunities to prove their faith in Allah, their surrender and loyalty to Him, and will endure them with determination and patience.
They never show the weaknesses of unbelieving women. No one's insults, rude behavior, or criticism causes them to lose heart or become weak, and they consider it beneath their dignity to respond with an emotional display of hurt or being upset. Whatever happens, they trust in Allah and keep their peace of mind, knowing that Allah is ever Just and All-Knowing, and that "they will not be wronged by so much as the smallest speck" (Surat an-Nisa': 49). They surrender to Allah, knowing that He will expose any injustice, and so do not worry about any unfounded accusation.
Some unbelieving women consider strength and willpower to be male characteristics, out of the mistaken belief that only men have to show strength and determination for themselves, as well as for the women in their charge, in the face of adversity. Thus, they consider it to be in their best interest to surrender to men's intellect, willpower, and strength. Especially when encountering trouble and difficulty, they lose whatever little strength and willpower they have and panic, and thus give themselves up to irrational and confused behavior.
This pale and weak personality leads unbelieving women to pay too much attention to what other people think about them. Often, they knowingly do something wrong just to impress others or to win a respectable place among them. Likewise, if they are criticized, they feel belittled and disliked, and so feel devastated. Not understanding that what matters is their value in Allah's presence, they only seek the approval of people and end up being upset and distraught, thinking that all they ever do is a waste. As a result, they become depressed and lose their strength, willpower, and courage.
But Muslim women never stagger because of people's criticism. Given that they measure themselves by the yardstick of the Qur'an, which spells out clearly what is right and what is wrong, they strive to live up to the Qur'anic morality. If they are criticized for doing so, they become even more determined and stronger in their pursuit of His good pleasure, which is the highest goal to pursue. Believing that only the Qur'an's morality gives them any value in this world and the next, they do not care what other people think of them. Even if they are all alone, they do not follow the majority but remain independent. Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, when discussing this matter, stated that the people's approval has no significance for those who live in ways designed to win His good pleasure:

The Divine assent is sufficient. If He is your beloved, then everything is your beloved. If He is not your beloved, then the applause of the entire world is utterly worthless.22
You should seek Divine pleasure in your actions. If Almighty Allah is pleased, it is of no importance even should the whole world be displeased. If He accepts an action and everyone else rejects it, it has no effect. Once His pleasure has been gained and He has accepted an action, even if you do not ask it of Him, should He wish it and His wisdom require it, He will make others accept it. He will make them consent to it, too. For this reason, the sole aim in this service should be the direct seeking of Divine pleasure.23

O lower self, if you acquired your Creator's assent with your piety and devotion, then it shall be sufficient and there shall be no need to look for people's assent. If the people agree and accept on Allah's behalf, then it is good. If they act to gain worldly blessings, then it shall be utterly worthless. Because they are weak servants, just like you...24

Muslim Women Are Balanced and Measured

People who live by their own self-made rules can easily make compromises when they deem it in their best interests to do so. No paramount guiding principle shapes their lives and gives permanence to their personalities. Therefore, from time to time, their personalities show signs of change and cannot be considered consistent.
The defining factor is usually their selfish ego, for Allah reveals that all people have been created with egotistic tendencies. If people are ruled by their ego, all of their behavior will be determined accordingly. This will have an impact on their personality's balance, consistency, and stability. For example, they can become angry, emotional, cross, or envious at a moment's notice and then reflect it in their behavior. Such people constantly surprise others with their unexpected reactions, and so evoke distrust and uncertainty.
Such character traits are found among unbelieving women. Since they are far removed from the Qur'an's values, they surrender to the stereotyped emotions of women and let their lives be determined by this behavior. Eventually, this leads them to irrational and imbalanced behavior.
Believing women, since they read the Qur'an, know that their ego always tempts them toward wickedness and that Satan will try to persuade them to indulge in imbalanced and irrational behavior and to act on their instincts. In many verses, He reminds people that those who accept the Qur'an's guidance and follow the voice of their conscience will develop an ideal personality and become distinguished in both worlds.
Muslim women acquire this strong and superior personality by following the path shown by Allah. This involves conforming their responses to Islam's values in order to develop a measured and balanced personality. Their actions, viewpoints, and logic will never surprise other people, for their personalities will always reflect the stability flowing from the Qur'an's morality. In other words, they will have reliable personalities, unlike all unbelieving women.

Muslim Women Are Not Emotional

Unbelievers think that being emotional is an important part of the human character. According to this view, the resulting behavior is a feeling that needs to be experienced. Such behavioral defects as being angry, upset, and introverted, or weeping, complaining, and apathy, are encouraged, for they supposedly come from the heart. This view is completely wrong. In unbelieving societies, such emotionalism, especially that seen in women, is responsible for a weak personality. And, as we saw above, people with weak personalities are, to a great extent, unable to think rationally or logically and thus cannot make appropriate decisions.
Muslim women know the selfish ego's qualities and how to fight them, for their personalities and lives are defined by the Qur'an. They know that emotionalism clouds the mind, prevents reality from being seen as it is, and causes weakness and irresolution. In addition, they are very well aware that such stereotypical qualities as being sentimental, upset, introverted, angry, and envious are not consistent with the believers' character, because Allah does not like it and tells Muslims to refrain from it.
These behavioral defects issue from flawed beliefs and the lack of sufficient awareness of certain facts. People who easily surrender to them have either forgotten or else continue to deny the fact that Allah is All-Powerful; creates everything according to His wisdom, justice, and goodness; creates whatever He wills; and answers all prayers.
Genuine surrender and dedication to Him, as well as knowing that He controls everything, results in seeing goodness in everything and prevents inappropriate emotion-based behavior. Muslim women guard themselves against all such behavioral defects out of their strong love, and fear and respect of Allah. They seek to be role models of Islamic behavior, personality, and high morality, as the following verse reveals: "Those who say: 'Our Lord, give us joy in our wives and children and make us a good example for those who guard against evil'" (Surat al-Furqan: 74). Thus, they never give way to depression or emotionalism.
Avoiding these non-Islamic character traits, they acquire a strong personality in order to serve as examples to other women and act in full awareness of this responsibility. By cleansing their ego from wickedness, they find generosity and contentment in both worlds and thus live happy lives: "It is the people who are safeguarded from the avarice of their own selves who are successful" (Surat al-Hashr: 9).

Muslim Women Have a Genuine and Natural Personality

Sincerity means to be the same in every situation; to have one's heart reflect its feelings as they are; and to be honest, open, and clear. In other words, it consists of fully and honestly revealing one's personality and thoughts without seeking any gain for doing so. An important feature of sincerity is the impossibility of imitating in one's life what goes on in one's heart. A sincere person's behavior comes from the heart, is natural, and creates a very positive and lasting impression on other people. A genuine person's looks, conversation, style, and body language are natural and influential.
However, many people are unaware of sincerity's power and effect and so look for it elsewhere. Some people resort to pretence, hoping to discover what behavior or way of thinking will please the other people. Since all people have different character traits, these insincere people develop a suitable personality for each person they want to influence, behave differently, and try to appear as if they were representing different thoughts. But since this insincere approach forces people into hypocrisy, it does not have the desired effect and eventually creates an atmosphere of repulsion, coldness, and distance. In addition, such people make others nervous, for they never know what to expect.
Allah tells us about such people:

Allah has made a metaphor for them of a man owned by several partners in dispute with one another, and another man wholly owned by a single man. Are they the same? Praise be to Allah! The fact is that most of them do not know. (Surat az-Zumar: 29)

Kazasker Mustafa Izzet's calligraphy: "Allah is the Best of protectors. He is the Most Compassionate of the compassionate."

Unbelievers consider pretence a legitimate behavior, because they do not reflect sufficiently upon the consequences of insincerity toward Allah and other people. Pretence is especially common among unbelieving women, for some of them appear to like and take an interest in others, whom they neither respect nor like, but backbite nevertheless because of some common interests that they may have. They can lie and cheat one another without a second thought or, by concealing their antipathy, create the opposite impression. Likewise, they can conceal these feelings and try to fool the people they value and like very much. Muslim women do not behave this way, because their lives are guided by their sincere fear and respect of Allah. They never worry about pleasing anyone for some small material gain, for Allah and many other people despise such behavior. Rather, they seek to behave in a way that will win them His good pleasure. They also know that Allah likes only those who are sincere, for "He knows what the heart contains" (Surat ash-Shura: 24). In another verse, Allah says: "Though you speak out loud, He knows your secrets and what is even more concealed" (Surah Ta-Ha: 7). For this reason, only unbelievers seek to conceal from others what is really in their hearts.
Besides, Muslim women know that winning people's pleasure will not benefit them in either world, for Allah has revealed that He will not forgive anyone who ascribes partners to Him. Therefore, all believers must refrain from such behavior, for seeking to win other people's approval is just one of the many ways of ascribing partners to Allah.

Muslim Women Are Honest Allah reminds people not to lie:

O You who believe! Have fear [and respect] of Allah and speak the right word. He will put your actions right for you and forgive you your wrong deeds. (Surat al-Ahzab: 70-71)

... Have done with the defilement of idols and with telling lies. (Surat al-Hajj: 30)

He also reveals that turning the truth upside down and lying brings evil and Satan's friendship:

Shall I tell you upon whom the demons descend? They descend on every evil liar. They give them a hearing, and most of them are liars. (Surat ash-Shu'ara': 221-223)

As Allah reveals with "Cursed be the liars" (Surat adh-Dhariyat: 10), Muslim women know that Allah disapproves of lying and so refrain from it. Aware that all of their words will confront them in the Hereafter, believing women speak only words of goodness, which will be rewarded with Allah's grace and mercy.
Lies, which will bring great loss in the Hereafter, bring no benefit in this world either. As they always lead to psychological and material loss, hypocritical and insincere people reflect their true nature on their faces. Admitting to themselves that they are dishonest and insincere, they lose their self-respect and the respect for those whom they deceive. Nevertheless, they believe that others do not perceive their insincerity and so develop a superiority complex toward them. But such behavior leads to a major difficulty: One is forced to develop more and more elaborate lies to conceal the truth, and therefore lives with the constant fear of being exposed. Allah will expose their insincerity and lies either in this world or the next.
On the other hand, telling the truth is superior and dignifying. Allah reveals the difference between good words and corrupt words in the following example:

Do you not see how Allah makes a metaphor of a good word: a good tree whose roots are firm and whose branches are in heaven? It bears fruit regularly by its Lord's permission. Allah makes metaphors for people so that, hopefully, they will pay heed. The metaphor of a corrupt word is that of a rotten tree, uprooted on Earth's surface. It has no staying-power. Allah makes those who believe firm with the Firm Word in the life of this world and the Hereafter. But Allah misguides the wrongdoers. Allah does whatever He wills. (Surah Ibrahim: 24-27)

Aware of the goodness and prosperity inherent in truth and honesty, Muslim women never compromise in such matters, regardless of the consequences to themselves or others. With courage and openness, they speak the truth at all times. Allah reveals this character trait:

O you who believe! Be upholders of justice, bearing witness for Allah alone, even against yourselves or your parents and relatives. Whether they are rich or poor, Allah is well able to look after them. Do not follow your own desires and deviate from the truth. If you twist or turn away, Allah is aware of what you do. (Surat an-Nisa': 135)

Allah also reminds people not to sacrifice truth and honesty in moments of anger:

O you who believe! Show integrity for the sake of Allah, bearing witness with justice. Do not let hatred for a people incite you into not being just. Be just. That is closer to heedfulness. Have fear of Allah. Allah is aware of what you do. (Surat al-Ma'ida: 8)

In unbelieving societies, many women lie to their family members, spouses, children, siblings, or friends. They have an excuse for each of these lies: some lies are harmless, it is alright to lie in order to benefit someone, or white lies do not count. For instance, they believe that there is nothing wrong with lying about where they have been, whom they have been with, or on what they have spent their money. Such things, they claim, are little harmless lies common in every marriage.
In reality, none of these excuses is valid, since Allah has forbidden lies. Moreover, lying is a characteristic of Satan. As we know, Satan resorted to lies in order to get Prophet Adam (as) and his wife expelled from Paradise.
Muslim women know the final destination of liars, for their guiding principles are the Qur'an and our Prophet's (saas) sunnah. Therefore, they refrain from this activity and strive to remain honest, because following the truth at all times will bring goodness and respect. Our Prophet (saas) told the believers that:

"Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. And a man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person."25

Muslim Women Are Brave

A common stereotype, often held by unbelieving men, is that women do not have the necessary patience and maturity to deal with certain stressful situations. In fact, they believe that women actually make matters worse and become liabilities. There is an element of truth in this claim. Whereas men tend to remain cool even in very dangerous situations and just deal with it courageously, unbelieving women often surrender to fear and panic, thereby escalating the situation and making it even more difficult for themselves. For this reason, men are often forced to calm their women down while trying to resolve the situation.
Such a situation is inconceivable for Muslim women, for their love, trust, dedication, and submission to Allah help them develop a strong, courageous, and brave personality. They know that Allah will test them with hardship and that those who remain firm in their submission and dedication to Him will be rewarded with His mercy. This makes them even more determined, as Allah reveals below:

Many a Prophet has been killed, when there were many thousands with him. They did not give up in the face of what assailed them in the Way of Allah, nor did they weaken, nor did they yield. Allah loves the steadfast. (Surah Al 'Imran: 146)

Those who, when disaster strikes them, say: "We belong to Allah, and to Him we will return." (Surat al-Baqara: 156)

Those to whom people said: "The people have gathered against you, so fear them." But that merely increased their faith, and they said: "Allah is enough for us and the Best of Guardians." (Surah Al 'Imran: 173)

This bravery is based on their lack of concern for their worldly life, for they know that their submission and trust in Allah will be rewarded in the best possible way. Allah gave life and will take it back again, just as He gave everything else (e.g., health, youth, and property) and will take it all back again. Aware of this truth, and that Allah creates everything according to His wisdom and goodness, they maintain their peace of mind. As a result, believing women never lose heart in the face of danger, hardship, or personal risk.
Furthermore, their courage is reflected in their determination to observe the limits that Allah has imposed upon humanity. Whatever the situation, they do not make compromises with the Qur'an's morality or fear or respect any thing or being other than Allah. Allah reveals this quality in the verse given below:

… those who conveyed Allah's Message and had fear [and respect] of Him, fearing [and respecting] no one except Allah. Allah suffices as a Reckoner. (Surat al-Ahzab: 39)

Muslim Women Refrain from Empty Words and Deeds

Allah defines the believers as "those who turn away from worthless talk" (Surat al-Mu'minun: 3) and "those who do not bear false witness and who, when they pass by worthless talk, pass by with dignity" (Surat al-Furqan: 72). In other words, Muslims who come face to face with such situations do not compromise on their dignity and honor and do not behave in an un-Islamic manner.
Passing time in such ways is common among unbelieving women. As we mentioned above, women who have not acquired great ideals are characterized by certain types of behavior. Some are of benefit to their families, their environment, and themselves, while others are just habits designed to pass time. Some of the best known of these are socializing with friends on certain days, spending the whole day watching television programs of no particular value, spending hours on the phone, complaining about anything and everything, gossiping, and discussing other people's shortcomings. The common denominator of all these activities is that they benefit no one.
Allah reveals that such people's hearts are drawn toward the things of this world:

Their hearts are distracted. (Surat al-Anbiya': 3)

Muslim women avoid such useless activities, since they are well aware that Allah has granted people only a limited amount of time. Knowing that they must use this time to win Allah's good pleasure, mercy, and His Paradise, they live every moment of their lives accordingly. Not willing to waste even one moment with pointless activities or small talk, which they will regret in the Hereafter, they strive to do good deeds. As He reveals, they are engaged in a constant race to win His good pleasure: "They believe in Allah and the Last Day, enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and compete in doing good. They are among the believers." (Surah Al 'Imran: 114)

Muslim Women Are Chaste and Honorable

Wealth and sons are the embellishment of the life of this world. But, in your Lord's sight, right actions that are lasting bring a better reward and are a better basis for hope. (Surat al-Kahf: 46)

Through this verse, Allah reveals an important fact to people: Those things that are so important for some and to which they dedicate their entire lives to obtaining, are only the temporary pleasures of this life. The only true and lasting values are the spiritual values and their firm establishment in a person's life. But people who disregard this reality chase wealth, status, and property due to their misguided belief that these will bring them honor, respect, and true values. Likewise, they measure others with these values and, according to their material wealth, decide whether to respect, like, and admire them or not.
In reality, Allah gives all of these things as gifts for the people to use. But the qualities that bring distinction and worth in His presence as well as here on Earth, such as honor, chastity, and integrity, are very different. These qualities, along with the Muslims' fear and respect of Allah, give purpose and value to their life and win them other people's sincere respect and love. Even the richest, most beautiful or powerful person cannot have the same degree of superiority and exalted nature as a chaste, honorable, and virtuous person. A person of such qualities has a natural radiance, beauty, and depth of soul.
Allah reveals that He honors those who make a genuine effort to live by the Qur'an's morality and fear and respect Him, as is His due: "If you avoid the serious wrong actions you have been forbidden, We will erase your bad actions and admit you by a Gate of Honor" (Surat an-Nisa': 31) and that:

The men and women who give charity and make a good loan to Allah will have it increased for them, and they will have a generous reward. (Surat al-Hadid: 18)

People's true honor is revealed by their refusal to become base when with base people, to seek little gains by little frauds, to behave like unbelievers, lie, and become a hypocrite. In other words, they respond to all people with the same maturity and good character. Muslim women display honor and integrity by behaving in accordance with their complete fear and respect of Allah, as well as their total belief in and submission to Him. They never compromise over such issues, for they know that doing so will displease Him and put them on the same level as unbelievers.
In many verses, Allah mentions the importance of chastity and how it benefits women. He reveals that Maryam's character and chastity is an example for all women, regardless of time or location, and reminds them of their ensuing superiority:

And when the angels said: "Maryam, Allah has chosen you and purified you. He has chosen you over all other women." (Surah Al 'Imran: 42)

In other verses, Allah reminds people that chastity is an important and defining characteristic of Muslim women:

If any of you do not have the means to marry free women who are believers, you may marry slave girls who are believers. Allah knows best about your faith; you are all the same in that respect. Marry them with their owners' permission and give them their dowries correctly and courteously as married women, not in fornication or taking them as lovers. (Surat an-Nisa': 25)

... so are chaste women from among the believers and chaste women of those given the Book before you, once you have given them their dowries in marriage, not in fornication or taking them as lovers. But as for anyone who rejects faith, his actions will come to nothing, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers. (Surat al-Ma'ida: 5)

Chastity brings honor and respect to women and prevents their being made to suffer in society. In another verse, Allah states that "this makes it more likely that they will be recognized and not be harmed" (Surat al-Ahzab: 59).
Muslim women acquire honor, integrity, and respect by adhering to the limits that Allah has established for humanity. A person's virtuous and chaste nature can be determined from his or her behavior, conversation, movements, facial expressions, and even from a smile. A chaste woman has a natural aura of well-being, a radiant personality, and a trustworthy character. As Allah reveals, Muslims are recognized by these qualities. In fact, "their mark is on their faces, the traces of prostration..." (Surat al-Fath: 29)

THE ISLAMIC VIEW OF LOVE ,SEX AND MARRIAGE

THE ISLAMIC VIEW OF LOVE ,SEX AND MARRIAGE

How may we teach sex education to our youth?

I do not limit the issue to any particular range; we may need books to explain a particular idea, as we must also tell the people of the injunctions of the Shariah on the issues of sex so that they may know their responsibilities in the area according to the Shariah.

I began an attempt to answer question directed to me, and I spoke candidly on some sex issues which affect the community. Sex education is like any other subject; we have to teach it but with a functional approach, regardless of whether it is through books or school programs, conversations at home, or general debate.

Sex is something that affects the body of a person and how he deals with his impulses. It is normal that one should know all this. What we view as socially forbidden may be a result of traditional baggage. Therefore, confronting custom means that we must substitute it by wisdom to avoid creating more negative aspects than those we are trying to rid ourselves of.

ISLAM ADOPTS SEX EDUCATION

What are the parameters of this education? Is there a specific age at which we can begin instruction?

Islam has opened the door to sex education for all Muslims with respect to the sexual relations which the Quran discusses somewhat candidly. Indeed, on the subject of marriage, the Quranic terminology employs linguistic forms which suggest more sexual than contractual connotations, as in its use of the term "nikah".

Indeed, if we want to study the noble Sunna, we find that there are hadiths on sexual issues which pertain to relations, legal rulings, and ancillary topics. In more than one hadith, sexual organs are so candidly and naturally covered that one can only infer that the milieu of the (prophetic) message saw nothing immoral in the topic.

We may find some hadiths which deal with the conversation between the Prophet(p.) and someone who came to confess to having committed adultery (zina). We see that the last question directed to the perpetrator concerning the sex act used a term which people today may shy away from expressing.

In this manner, we find related hadith issues pertaining to women in menstruation, pre-menstruation, the post-partum period, as well as matters pertaining to the state of man after sexual relationship (janabah)etc.

When we study the books of the jurists and the chapters that relate to sex, we see that there are clear, candid discussions on the specifics of sex, regardless of whether they pertain to sexual organs, the sex act, or some related issue.

We also find that the earlier scholars discussed sex in their books through rare stories, witticisms, and jokes transmitted in a manner that may be considered immoral by the present society. We find that some old books written by pious, ascetic, pure scholars consist of chapters that describe methods which are not conventional and familiar in the sex act. Their justification was that they felt books such as theses might make the spouses learn sexual conduct, whereby they would comply their own natural desires as well as those of their spouses, and would therefore need not satisfy those desires outside of the marital life.

This confirms that Islam adopts sex education by virtue of its relationship to the Shariah rulings _ the commendable, the obligatory, or the forbidden -which relate to this aspect of the life of the human being. When we study this issue, however, we focus on it in the light of the principle that this discussion is not within the sphere of the forbidden but that of the lawful.

The evolution of cultural and social mores may have helped cultivate negative attitudes towards sex education or some specific aspect of it. This is especially true if the circumstances surrounding these mores, in the reflection of the youth or children, lead to negative results: it will cause subconscious reactions in the child or youth, leading him to stray from Islamic guidelines.

From this perspective, the subject has to be studied in much detail and caution before its thematic associations could be known relating to the personality of the human being seeking such instruction or the factors that influence this life. What I would like to stress is that sex education did not begin with contemporary developments. Islam did so earlier on every issue so far discussed

THE MANDATORY STEPS IN SEX EDUCATION

On the issues of instructing the coming generation in this regard, steps must be drawn up for this in terms of the methods, issues, and milieus, so that the emphasis remains on the education technique, with no element from the old concepts. This means give emphasis to the child or youth that his sex organ is not something odd, but that it is quite natural; it does not imply strangeness, deficiency or any such thing. Rather, there are Shariah laws which call for the covering of this organ, and for using it within a specific scope of activity, as directed by God- who has spoken about other organs in relation to forbidden matters, such as not eating or that, not looking… etc.

Nevertheless, the issue calls first for an appropriate setting, and it is imperative that we structure this setting, because many social mores rate sex education as a work or subject that is immoral. If we can undertake this, we will be able to instruct the coming generation in sex education through a functional, objective approach, going all the way to subjects like childbirth, where the fetus comes from…etc. We must be straightforward, but with an approach structured on gradually divulged details in this area.

The nature of these things may incite some children to experiment, just as we observe that some of them who watch films of television are quick to put them into practice, and may be hurt as a result. There are also those who read books on sex, or watch erotic films, who may attempt to carry out what they see, living the experience in a twisted form, at a moment when the person's inner impulses combined with the outer surroundings are so influenced that they push him to experiment with whatever he learns. At the same time, however, I stress that the present mode of instruction affecting every house, through television, newspapers, disseminate sexual information in a way that allows youths and children to know much more about sex than their parents.

Sex education may be all the more urgently needed nowadays because it is given to teenagers by way of films and cheap books, with no controls or limits. It may, therefore, be necessary for the specialists to rescue the present generation from all the distorted information on sex.

TH RESPONDIBLITIES OF HOME AND SCHOOL

Which is better, teaching sex education in the family or at school?

We are not able to delineate the issue so clearly that we can classify it to within a particular scope, for children may need one type of teaching within the home, when they ask about childbirth, become conscious of their private parts, find siblings who are anatomically different. In this case, father and mothers may certainly teach the children in a well-balanced manner, giving the child correct but comprehensible answers.

We also need the school, for the systematic education of schools is necessary, especially since some school subjects relate to health, the study of animals and their reproduction, etc. The children are taught subjects they need to know, and through these they receive detailed explanations on subjects relating to the body.

THE SEXUAL ATMOSPHERE

A problem which we face is that, as a result of western culture, the general social environment has become quite sex conscious. The issue of sex has become one of absolute right. If Eastern cultures did not possess some discipline or restraint, this perverse cultural conditioning could transform the Eastern outlook from an Islamic reality into something more akin to what people are in the West.

When, therefore, you initiate sex education without strict prudence in this atmosphere, you could easily pervert sex education. What I say is not dependent on the type of prudence known in present-day society, but rather that of ensuring a strong foundation when providing sex education, so that it may not lead to corruption in practice.

THE CONCEPT OF DEFICIENCY

The concept of deficiency is the same as its lexical meaning: a flaw in the character, body, or conduct, which may cause a moral or ethical deviation. Fornication by a youth is considered by the family to be a deficiency; the public exposure of one's private parts is considered a deficiency- in view of the Sharaiah prohibition of both actions. This prohibition makes them deficient with respect of religion and flawed with respect of social norms.

Islam, however, does not see that a person should suffer the faults of others, and I do not participate in the deficiency of one of my deviant relatives, even if he is closely related. This is because Islam avers that: "No bearer of burden shall bear the burden of another"(al-Anam/6:164).

Consequently, targeting the entire family for the sexual transgression of a woman is indeed a jahili concept, not an Islamic one, Islam charges the woman or the man who has fornicated, and determines that their moral depravity is something specific to them, not to the members of their two families or any person who may be socially connected to them.

There are those who say that sexual deviation or perversity does not stem from any error in sex education or lack thereof, but rather results from the sexual repression prevalent in our society.

I do not say that sax education is the cause of deviancy whenever it is connected to such practice. I say that it may open the avenues to deviation, by people who have no previous experience in this area.

SEX ISSUES AS EDUCATIONAL ISSUES

What is the method for explaining these issues to our sons and daughters? To what length should we go when discussing these issue with them?

There issues are exactly like the other educational issues which need to be explained to children. There may not be need nor a conductive atmosphere to offer a detailed analysis to a child; we may explain childbirth exactly as we do planting or the incubation of an egg.

With respect to the foregoing questions, I have indicated that society strongly rejects these methods, even though they may be evident. It is absolutely necessary that we educate society in this respect, and introduce the matter as a general societal perspective, providing fathers and mothers with the proper methods of sex education which they may give their inquisitive children.

What about a special program for sex education in schools?

I support that, but it is normal that every subject should be examined for its positive and negative influences on the students to whom it is taught, and what these can lead to in society at large.

SEX FILMS:

What is the ruling on watching sex films and other pornographic media ?

The Shariah and the ethical principle prohibit looking a the private parts of another person. This fundamentally applies equally to looking at private parts in pictures or films. The reason is that the negative aspects of the latter are almosts this as the main criterion in the legal rulings (Fatawa); instead specific circumstances dictate the ruling.

For there is a condition which afflicts some people to the point where looking at such films may save the marriage. As in the case of frigidity, impotence, or similar dysfunction in either spouse, and looking a such films may offer a cure. Viewing these films and pictures beyond these circumstances, however, may lead to spiritual dissolution, to the point where the viewer becomes obsessed with the ideas of the film and acting them out necessitating a prohibition-despite the situation which warrant a certain amount of license, as in the first scenario.  By Abdulganiy Al-ameen  @Muslim Youth Forum on whatsApp

CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM

MARRIAGE IN ISLAM. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam. Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me". Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires. It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman. Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals. The purpose of Marriage. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah. * Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah. Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met. 1) consent of both parties. 2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride. 3) Witnesses- 2 male or female. 4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community. Is Marriage obligatory? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so. A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation. The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry. He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance. Selection of a partner: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze. - The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan. - There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people. Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship. - The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship. This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner. Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. This is why they often prove successful. Consent of parties. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter. One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple. Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people. The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes. The husband/wife relationship. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ -The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations. (1) Maintenance The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly. The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence. If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband. (2) "Mahr " The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved. (3) Non-material rights. A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women. The wife obligations - the Husbands rights. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is: "Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous" The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission. A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given. Obedience. ^^^^^^^^^ The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them. Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions: (a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action. (b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.